right now we are waiting to find out if our offer on a house will be accepted. although buying a house is big, i feel unconcerned (but of course i'll be really disappointed if we don't get it, mostly because that means we still have to keep looking). i think that's because i'm not really living in the present. i can't imagine what life is going to be like 5 weeks from now, and yet, it's almost all i think about (besides my very present backache that is!).
the truth is, i've always been like this. i am capable of being in either the physical, immediate present—as in, make dinner and put it in my tummy NOW!—or at some time in the future when things will be different. i am always looking forward to changing my situation. right now, i am impatient and tense. it is the worst combination. and it is sort of a problem.
but i tried hard this past weekend to be in the present (and to be happy—but that's a different story). i'm super lucky that loverboy is a little bit more concerned about the present state of our living situation, as he helped me reorganize and clear out the 2nd bedroom so that we can actually have somewhere to put all the baby stuff we have and still need to buy. it's actually a huge relief to get some breathing room up in here! what with a bicycle, a stroller and a weight bench, i was beginning to feel like i couldn't have this baby because there was no room in the inn. so maybe that's also why i'm okay if we don't get this house. now that there is space, i can have this baby and it can live with us too! i tell you, things are already looking up.
also, this weekend i enjoyed snow flurries!, sleeping in, taking lars to the park, and Chinese takeout. the rest of the time i was a gigantic grump because that's how i be on weekends, what what.
this is me at 34.5 weeks, looking forward to 40 weeks:
