jumbles from a sleepless mind

i was going to write a longer post about going to Austin for my brother's wedding last weekend, but then my baby shrieked to remind me that he wasn't in my arms. true confession: i wrote that last sentence in bed last night as i was trying to fall asleep before Wilder woke up to be fed again. i thought about getting out of bed to actually write it down so i wouldn't forget it because it really seemed brilliant  at the time, but then i must have fallen asleep. and then i really did forget the brilliance that followed it. but let me assure you, it was genius. seriously, all my best thoughts come when i'm falling asleep. which i always seem to be doing lately. or else thinking about doing.

anyways, these are the things that have been happening while i've been thinking about sleep or sleeping or holding my gosh-darnit-so-cute-but-why-dont-you-sleep-on-your-own baby:

1. moving. did i mention that? i probably wrote about it in my sleep.
2. taking our 5.5-week-old on his first plane ride to Austin. it's more fun on other people's instagrams.
3. showering once a week. just don't think about it too much, i don't;)
4. buying some grown-up furniture.
5. trying to sneak in trips to target. baby really hates target. just wait till he meets the walmart down the road!
6. cosleeping. yes, it's happening (not all night and not every night, thankfully!). it's called ill-do-anything-for-sleep-itis. i get it now.
7. lots of snuggles and singing and bouncing for wilder. lots of mini donuts and coffee for mom.
8. learning that if i don't get up before the baby, there's a good chance i won't get out of my pajamas all day long. see number 3.
9. eye contact and smiles from my baby which makes my heart melt.
10. a few real meltdowns, because let's be honest, all of this #everythingatonce stuff is hard. but at least one of these things is worth it;)

the importance of talking about things

here's the thing. the thing is, i don't really like talking about myself, but while i'm sitting here (not as) hyped up on the medicines (as I'd like to be) (the saying is surely not "hyped up"?), my writing fingers itching, because hello, i'm supposed to be a writer and i don't like to talk about things?, i've decided to give it a shot. this talking about things.

but, you know what's hard about talking about things? i don't know what to say. everything is not what i mean. or i mean everything. it's a conundrum, a confusion, a mixed bag of swirly emotions and contradictory thoughts that won't make any sense if it comes out. you see? how to piece apart the millions of inconsequential thoughts i have a day into something with meaning.

i wish that at&t man would stop knocking on our door. was it weird that i talked to him through the window? how is that even possible? wait a minute. is that cellophane? i wonder if he knows i'm home alone. lars, would you protect me? i dont really want this raisin bread. but it's made. now i must eat it. why can't my blog just fix itself? what should be my next decorating project? i wish i had a sister. if i had a sister, i would call and tell her everything. but i don't. okay, back to the internet. let's see...what have i not looked at in the last hour? maybe there's something new to pinterest. i hope i can rewrite chapter six in two days, because it's not happening today. am i hungry? what time is it? i should probably sweep the kitchen.

obviously impossible. but today is just the first day. we'll call it a practice day, shall we?

one for the road

not letting crazy-car syndrome get you down.

i have this problem with my car: whenever i get inside, 

i seem to lose my mind. 

par example: 

this morning was off to a good start. i battled the bed and won, 

took lars for a walk, enjoyed a rare post-rain breeze.

but then, the car started calling my name, and i

wanted to escape our awful no-sunlight cave of a living room.

only i didn't really know where to go.  

so, i drove and drove and drove,

and just kept driving, 

and driving,

and driving, 

unable to decide what to do, or where to go. 

as soon as i made my way to one place,

i wouldn't want to be there, so i'd have to get back

in the car and go somewhere else. does anyone else

do this? :o/  

 

 lesson learned—i should have stayed here: 

 

the eye of the storm

unplugged.

today i took some time to recharge. 

life has been going at a crazy pace

recently, and as much as i hate to admit it,

i had to slow down and turn off.

for a little while at least.

i may not have met all my obligations or

done everything on my list, but i got some 

much-needed calm in my crazy little mind, and

trust me, we're all better off this way:)

good life = coffee + croissant

march (on)

a new month.

 (and a little bit of crazy)

my thoughts today : 

what's good about today? 

it's the first day of March. 

is that good? 

i think so. 

reasons:

2 weeks till the end of winter quarter.

spring is in the air (and that much closer). 

which makes summer even that much closer.

which means sunshine. 

(i never thought i'd say i miss sunshine). 

and vacation!

today is good cause it's march. 

let's celebrate march.

(i'm detecting a bias towards this time of year. march, spring...and I used to really love fall...)

how weird must it be to live in Australia? 

maybe that's where we should be:

this is the lack of vitamin D you see here. 

spring cannot come too soon.