Tuesday, March 22, 2016

dear future self


dear future self:

first of all, i hope you're over the trauma of tonight's poo in the bath incident. i know it's not that traumatizing and i'm sure it's happened to every other mother out there (right?!?) but right now i feel like i will never be clean again. but i'm sure you've put it behind you and forgotten all about it. you're welcome for the reminder. ;)

i bet you've also gotten much better at living in the present. i'm going to applaud you for it, in advance. that's how sure i am of your progress. (uh, just now it occurred to me that i'm applauding myself, which seems kinda wrong?) i heard a saying recently about how kids live in the present, young people live in the future, and old people live in the past. i don't know what age category to put myself in now. i'm not a kid and i wouldn't really say i'm a young person (maybe you would though?) but i'm not old yet. and i feel younger now than i've felt in a long time. after years and years of living in the past, i'm starting to live in the present again. the future has been on my mind a lot, too. sometimes it's just the immediate future. for instance, our road trip at the end of this week has made me all kinds of bonkers today. this afternoon i held my two-year-old's hand through an hour of traffic on our way home from an errand because he was crying and begging me "please please please" to hold his hand and i really couldn't not, i just thought about how much i have to be in these moments. my to-do list is long and pressing, but what will i remember in the future? i hope you remember holding his hand and laughing with him at evie shaking her head and saying "na, na, na" (first word: no?) in her carseat next to him. but also, i hope you aren't looking back yet. i hope you are even better than me at being present, at living in the present, at taking it all in.

i hope, too, that you are content with your life. that you are at peace with whatever house you live in (even if it's still this ol' shack;), the clothes in your closet, the schools your kids go to, the vacations you take. i hope you have learned to not constantly look over at the bright green grass on the neighbor's lawn. i hope you are finding deep contentment with whatever muddy, shady, snake-inhabited gardens you find yourself in. i hope you love it even. because i am learning that there is beauty everywhere, if you just but look.

i hope you've kicked that night-owl habit and have finally found your inner morning person. kind of. i mean, i feel for the night owl (hello insomnia!), but i also want to be a morning person, so i understand either way, really. i just hope you're finding some quiet, alone time to spend with God, whether it's early or still kind of late in the morning.

i hope you're still jogging, and i really hope you've restarted your yoga practice, because i'm hoping that is in the cards for me (you) soon, although i'm not sure it's gonna happen until the babies are out of the baby stage.

i hope you've gone on many, many, many more best date night evers. at least a thousand more. you owe it to yourself and to your love. i think someone told me that love is like a plant. it needs tender care. and we both know how you've been with plants. but i think i'm falling in love with plants! so hopefully your love plant is getting lots of love.

i hope you've written a story that is worth letting someone else read. because i want to read it. ;)

also, i hope you've figured out whether or not you're going to be the kind of person who makes fabulous, interesting meals (probably not) or orders take-out (more likely). i really hate this in-between stuff you've got going on. ;)

but mostly, i hope you are pouring yourself out for the ones you love. and showing them how much you love them.

until you, i'll just be me. still learning. learning, though. and thankful for this life. so very thankful.


*photo from a year ago, when evie was brand new, and i was a brand new mama of two. how was she ever that tiiiiiny???


  1. Beautiful photo, and I feel like we need to pause a moment and say - that hair tho! I love it like that, and it looks so chic on you! And of course super precious lovey baby!! ;)

    1. Julie, that's so sweet! yeah it's so funny because i didn't like that cut/color at the time but now looking at photos i'm like it wasn't so bad! ;D thank you:)

  2. Thank you for reminding me to take a moment and enjoy the present. It made me pause and enjoy Liza squinching her face into her swing until she found just the right spot to close her eyes and fall asleep. She is so sweet right now it makes my heart hurt. But it's easy to wish you were on to a different stage (more sleep!!) and not enjoy this fleeting one.

    1. I know exactly what you mean! On this past road trip J and I were like it's going to be so great traveling when the kids are just a little older. But at the same time I am dying inside a little each day they get a little older. I love Evie's stage sooooo much!

  3. Could you please write this to my future self too? Thanks.

    1. yup. i'm sure we'll be reminding ourselves of this when our kids are in h.s....what?!!?! good thing we are too busy living in the present to think about that yet! ;)