Thursday, April 25, 2013

third week and an update of sorts

yesterday i left Wilder for the first time to go to an appointment. it was truly strange to be away from him (and probably no one this sleep deprived should be driving), even though two weeks ago i didn't even know what he looked like. now that he's out, he feels even more like an extension of my own body (literally, he is perpetually stuck to my boobs). i don't fully understand or grasp this new world i've entered, but i know it's love. i can't believe that he exists and that i get to be his mama. and at the same time, it feels completely natural to hold him. like he's always been here. it's head-spinning, unbelievable, terrifying, overwhelming and completely wonderful. there are no words for it really. thank goodness our wonderful friend missy instagrammed a photo of him while i was enduring two hours in the orthodontist chair. i was aching to see his little expressive face so badly that i couldn't stop staring at his photo. when you've got a precious, hungry newborn at home the last thing you want to do is spend hours with someone's hands in your mouth.

tuesday was our first day alone as papa went back to work, and it was a bit of a challenge. but i feel strangely less stressed out than normal. maybe it's all the oxytocin running around in my system, or maybe it's that i've fallen completely in love with this tiny human being. whatever it is, it's great. but i wouldn't mind a little more sleep. every night it hits me as i'm waking up for feedings every two hours or so that i should be trying to get more sleep during the day when he's sleeping. but it's so hard to do in the daylight when i'm sitting on the couch staring at his sweet face, and i forget how sleep deprived i am. i've only recently given in to sleep enough during the night to stop jerking awake at every single twitch to check on him. that is also hard not to do. basically, i will be pretty happy to spend the next couple of weeks doing nothing but spending every waking moment with this babe. oh, and packing too. yes, we are moving into a house in three weeks. did i tell you i like to make major life changes all together? it's a specialty. we'll talk about it later.

for now, off to feed a hungry bear.

Monday, April 22, 2013

first two weeks

completely uninfluenced by my unbiased preference, i bow to the general wishes of the public for more pictures forthwith. here's just a few favorite iphone photos from Wilder's first two weeks.

Wilder, day3photo(5)

Thursday, April 18, 2013

this babe of mine...

this is a shamelessly gratuitous post where i inundate you with millions of photos of my sweet baby boy. sorry. well, no, not really. but you should know that i'm actually restraining myself from posting every photo of him that i've it could be worse. go ahead and skip if you have no use for perfect sweetness. :)

also this little boy is a very determined sleeper. he refuses to wake up for anything more momentous than feedings. sometimes not even then. takes after his mama. ;)

i love him.

Monday, April 15, 2013

one week old

i can't believe my baby turned one week old today at 6:48 p.m. how has so much time gone by already? after waiting for nine months, suddenly everything is happening so fast, and it makes me a little sad. i wish i could go back to those first minutes in the hospital of holding him and take it in again. this has been the most surreally wonderful (and most painful) week of my life. every moment with this little babe who has taken over our lives here has been amazing, and i want this week to last forever. but they tell me that it just keeps getting better so i guess i can live with that.


B in love

Saturday, April 13, 2013


born April 9, 2013
7 lbs., 9.5 oz.
20.5 inches

Saturday, April 6, 2013

while you were sleeping in my tummy

today one of our friends came to take these beautiful photos of us before this baby bump turns into a baby. i think it was one of the most fun mornings i've spent with loverboy, ever. we had so much fun being cheesy and in love and were blown away by the photos. these are just a few of my favorites. thank you, chelsea, most awesomest friend!

Friday, April 5, 2013

success, cake-making and other thoughts

today i got up and got my nails done and went to lunch with my MIL. then i got a gift for a wedding shower and came home and baked a cake. a supremely leisurely, and even, some would say, unaccomplished, of a day.

then i read a post my friend nicole wrote on her blog about Sheryl Sandberg's book Lean In and the difference between the way we respond to a woman's story of success and a man's. her post was actually more about the terrible plight of our country's education and how even though the system isn't really working, there's got to be a way to fix it, and also, maybe we need new games to teach us what we need to know. obviously i really oversimplified her point, but i think you can see that she has something going there.

however, her post — and really, this article — made me realize that i wish our notion of success wasn't what it is in this country. success really means fame and fortune. am i right? success looks like book/movie/record deals, Porsches, haberdashery socks and trips to Bali. or maybe it looks like flawlessly cute children in funky etsy hats and rain boots, expertly pinterested nurseries and gosh dangit the most perfectly dreamy pregnancy photo shoots. you know what i'm talking about?

and here's the thing, i feel it too. i am as stricken with the lust of the brightly colored kate spade bags and lightly tanned, creme de la mer'ed skin as the rest of them. and with the internet, the keeping up with the joneses phenomenon is magnified by a gazillion. because the joneses aren't just the people in your neighborhood anymore — who, if you're not in buckhead, say, are frankly not too fancy. no, the joneses are all over the blogosphere, creating and collaborating their little hearts out. they're on youtube, harmonizing with three or four digital versions of themselves on ukeleles and iphone pianos. they're on etsy and reality tv and even the homeschool moms are making millions.

and sometimes it's just exhausting keeping up with it all. or not keeping up with it but wanting to.

sometimes i wish that we measured success by how loved we felt. or gave away. by how many times we smiled or dinners we made. by how many days we went without washing our hair or how many nights in a row we brushed our teeth. by how many homework assignments we didn't put off or how many times we walked the dog in a week. i suppose those are too small of accomplishments to be worthy of NYTimes articles. and i get that. even i can't measure my own success in only those things (though not for lack of trying;). and i also get that if we didn't measure success by fame and fortune, there probably wouldn't even be a vehicle for me to put these thoughts out there for the universe to read. there wouldn't be computers or blogs or the internet. and i'm thankful for all those things.

i guess i'm just (re)realizing that i need to spend a little more time appreciating my life and not comparing my situation and successes to others'. so i'm going to close my computer and get me to an ever so humble friday night home meeting to which i'm bringing a (very ugly) chocolate birthday cake. that is my success story. for today.

tomorrow i conquer the world you know.

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

the last week (maybe)


at 39 weeks... belly button hasn't popped out yet. loverboy says that's how we'll know it's "done." he also says the baby is in the bun, though, so i've stopped listening to his medical knowledge;)

...the laundry is done, the crib is put together, the car seat is installed and our bags are packed! i think that means we're ready?

...i had my last day of work yesterday. it feels amazing to be at home, but i dont have any nesting instinct because everything is already done. or as done as i'm going to get it for now.

...i'm still debating — to encapsulate the placenta or not? what did you do?

...these braces are not coming off in time, so i'm going to look like a teenage mom at the hospital :(

...i keep waking up in the middle of the night wondering if i'm in labor. or not being able to sleep and hoping i don't go into labor until i've had a full night's rest. you hear that baby?

...i also keep imagining horrible things happening to baby, myself or loverboy. i hope this isn't a preview of the rest of parenthood.

...i'm thinking i should probably get around to reading some of the parenting books that have been on my nightstand for the last 9 months. but for some reason, it's much easier to prepare for labor than parenting. i think there's less trepidation and potential guilt involved.

...i'm so glad i haven't been sitting around waiting at home for the last 9 months, even though working a new job while pregnant was super hard.

...i think about donuts and grapefruit juice constantly. i don't know why there aren't any in this house!

...everyone keeps asking if there are any signs that i'm about to go into labor. well, my belly has really started itching like crazy. but that's probably just a sign that i'm about to get stretch marks. :(

...also, there ain't NO more room in this body!

...i'm so excited! let's get this party started!