a room to call our own {thankful}

we bought this house almost a year ago and moved in when wilder was just 5.5 weeks old. on mother's day, we packed up the last of the clothes, and then wilder and i went off to stay at grandma and grandpa's, while the movers moved all our boxes into the garage, because the wood floors weren't done drying. i was overwhelmed by all the work it needed (and still needs). on top of adjusting to sleeplessness and the constant needs of a (sleep-resistant) newborn, being relegated to the (far) suburbs, not very close to anything i'd like to be close to, and renovating and decorating (not to mention unpacking) a house were far from how i pictured spending the first few months of motherhood.

slowly, we stripped wallpaper, painted, unpacked, organized (some things), and assembled and moved furniture around. it was definitely not all fun. but now, every morning when i bring wilder downstairs and we plop down on the floor to play, i feel so thankful for this house. our life is not very glamorous or exciting. it is routine and monotonous, even. we spend our weekends doing housework (and painting things like kitchen cabinets), grocery shopping, cooking. we spend our weekdays sitting inside far too much, having the same conversations (where is wilder? peekaboo!//where's the purple ring?//do you want to read a book?//mama has to fold some diapers...), eating at the same times in the same chair...it's so normal and boring. but i love it. i finally feel like i can relax. i finally feel like i'm living, instead of barreling from one moment to the next, propelled by a stressed-out shell of myself.

it's not like i'm stress-free or happy all the time. au contraire. but i'm thankful for this living room. after all our painting and decorating, it feels like a home (well, only this one room does). it's not much. we've got a long ways to go, but it's also so, so much.

and look at that tiny little boy! (just a few months ago he was a tiny little baby.) on monday he waved bye-bye to papa for the first time! every morning i am so thankful that i get to spend these days with him. they are passing much too quickly—i could cry they are going so fast.

gravitating towards my lap these days.

and toward the camera, always.

daily guide to happiness

this fall is quickly becoming the time to start new habits and create a healthy lifestyle around this ol' grace house. monday night i began my mission to woo loverboy with the charms of yoga, and i'm giddy to report that he liked it! what with that, the gluten-free diet, and our once a week designated movie day, i almost don't recognize this family. we've even sort of talked about going to bed early! what?? well, let's not get too frisky, you never know how these grand ambitions are going to pan out.

but, as an ode to the beginning of another year (isn't fall the beginning of the year? i was a forever student after all. oh and there's my birthday, so there you have it;), i humbly submit my daily guide to happiness. or, if you prefer, ways to feel good, because happiness, really, is so much bigger (and smaller) than a method, or a list of things to do. don't you think?

still, these are making me happy right now:

1. reading the Bible before bed and time with the Lord in the morning. first of all, this is the most important thing, which is why it's numero uno.
2. am and pm yoga. loverboy and i are using this dvd together in the evenings (really not that good in my opinion). i also like the free classes on this website. and this is a pretty good youtube ashtanga video. do you have a favorite yoga website/dvd we should be using? do spill!
3. more tea, less coffee. starting tomorrow (always starting tomorrow;).
4. less cleaning, more creative projects. 
5. such as, a daily writing time. 
6. more reading books, no tv watching. 
7. more spontaneity on the weekends, less planning. this is always, always better for my expectations. (i feel very proud of our trip to michael's last weekend for nursery projects. loverboy and i didn't even fight over color schemes once!)
8. an earlier bedtime. 
9. one handful of trader joe's dark chocolate covered pretzels. two if it's been a very long night;)
10. mom friend dates. even if it's just a phone/google hangout/facetime date. 
11. gratitude for this life of mine.

on motherhood (so far)

over the past 3.5 weeks i've come to the conclusion that having kids seems so normal until it happens to you. and then it's this crazy, surreal, magic mountain roller coaster ride of your life. all the peeing and pooping and nursing (let's talk about that pain for a second shall we? ouch!) and bouncing and burping...it's just nuts! not to mention the way these tiny people just absolutely take your heart and swallow it whole. i've never even heard this little man say hello to me (but his little squeaks and squeals sort of sound like hello sometimes) and yet, he's a regular casanova over here. heart stealer, love of my life. it's serious. in the words of PapaBear: i could just live inside his mouth. cause it's so dang adorable.

and so i've realized, this is a real club i've joined. like in What to Expect When You're Expecting — isn't that just the best movie ever? and not just because it's on netflix and i'm glued to the couch with no free arms for all hours of the day (and night). i mean, the Dudes Club? i totally get it now. you've never really loved until you've wiped someone's butt. although i'm pretty sure i loved wilder before i wiped his butt (30 million times). and once you've wiped their butt, you've pretty much handed over your heart and soul for all eternity. oh, and your body.

this is the Prime Meridian of life right now. there is no time. there is no sleep. there is no shower. there is no cleaning the house. there is just boobs, pee, poop, boobs, burp, sleep, boobs, cry, poop, boobs. and maybe some instagramming;)

as i was watching loverboy colic-hold wilder last night (and the night before and the night before...) during a four hour nursing/crying marathon, i realized that even though the hardness of all this might make me cry tears, i am happier taking care of this little guy than i would be doing anything else. this is a hard that i cherish. even when i'm wishing for a magic pill to make things easier, i am still ecstatic to be here. i am happy. i am in love. it's impossible to adequately put words to this experience (though i'm obviously trying). it is a dream. it is a cream puff of a dream. a trip to paris, a pain au chocolat avec un cafè in bed, baskets of puppies, miniature donkeys on a farm, tea parties with my family, sunsets on the beach, candlelit bubble baths, fields of pale pink ranunculus, rain on a summer afternoon, dancing at midnight on cobblestone streets kind of dream. but better. it is the poopiest, burpiest, milkiest, sleepiest, fussiest dream of a dream to end all dreams dream. if that doesn't explain it i don't know what will.

sometimes i think it will be so great when wilder is six weeks old, when hopefully we have some of the kinks and fusses worked out. but most of the time, i think i could bounce on this medicine ball, listening to frère jacques on repeat, holding 8 pounds of pure fussy bliss (and holding my bladder)  for the next 6 years and be completely happy.


xx