ramen date night {a mini film}

hope no one minds two videos back to back but we are finally getting somewhat caught up on our back log of video! a few weeks ago j and i went on a date to makan in decatur to have ramen! we both love ramen and have made doctored-up grocery-store ramen (add an egg, some veggies and some chicken if you need extra protein!) ever since we got married. as mentioned online, the ambience at makan was very calm, relaxed and perfect for date nights. i can't remember the name of the drink i had but i think it was a lychee-flavored rice wine liqueor? something like that. so interesting! after dinner we walked around old town decatur square (our go-to date night area) and got coffee and some frozen yogurt. i'm not sure why but for some reason j, who is highly lactose intolerant, can tolerate the frozen yogurt at the yogurt tap there. it is also THE best frozen yogurt i've ever tried. especially the strawberry and chocolate flavors. yummmmm.

we did something different with this video and instead of actually shooting video, we shot a ton of burst shots and stitched them together to make a video. it was fun, hope you enjoy! :)

8 years married

8 years.

8 years of figuring out what to eat for dinner.
8 years of leaving all the cabinets and doors open.
8 years of rushing at the last minute to put the trash out for the garbage truck.
8 years of going to bed at different times.
8 years of binge-watching sci-fi tv, but also: the darling buds of may, arrested development, parks&rec, and parenthood.
8 years of "what was your favorite part" after everything we do.
8 years of mexican food and then bemoaning the lack of tacos in georgia.
8 years of constantly renewed attempts to work out.
8 years of a cabinet full of deodorant and no cologne.
8 years of the same (mostly unused) perfume.
8 years of photo storage.
8 years of playing the who will wash the dishes game (i've officially lost...or won? depending on how you look at it?).
8 years of me telling him to turn the music down.
8 years of him not being able to hear me. (there's a correlation in there, i'm sure of it.;)
8 years of birthday, anniversary, and more recently, mother's day and father's day, expectations.
8 years of sharing an umbrella. and comb. and shampoo. and laundry hamper.
8 years of bad haircuts, of accompanying each other to family functions, of job successes and frustrations, of abandoned projects, of bins of useless old cell phones.
8 years of daydreams and shared dreams.
8 years of holidays that still don't add up to traditions.
8 years of toting around my second bedroom of books.
8 years of mayo versus no mayo.
8 years of adam scott sightings.
8 years of kissing goodbye with chapped morning lips.

these are not the things i dreamed of, before i married j at the tender age of 25. well, not entirely.
i did dream of someone to hold my umbrella for me. but i think that's where my understanding of marriage stopped. i'm guessing that i'm not alone, and that many people, when they get married, are shocked to discover that the rom-com marriages they signed up for do not, in reality, exist. at least, i'm hoping i'm not alone. ;)

it is our tradition (although i'm not sure j realizes this;) to decide on our anniversary every year whether we will continue to make a go of it. whether we will renew our "contract" for another year. ha! that's a joke, of course...mostly. ;) but you'll be so glad to know that we have indeed decided to embark on this ninth year of marriage. at times it has felt like we've been coming out of valley upon valley for the last 8 years of marriage, but every year our understandings of ourselves, each other, and our marriage, seems to mature a little bit more, and suddenly here we are, 8 years in!

after these (really very few) years of marriage (and many many valleys;), i have come to believe that like all the other worthwhile things in human life, marriage is hard but worth it. it doesn't always feel like it, to be sure. there have been many moments in the past where it did not feel worth it, and i wanted to throw in the towel and run away. i really, really did. and, i'm sure there will be moments in the future where i feel the same way.

slowly i have been learning that what makes marriage special and worth it are not the things i imagined before i was married. it is not the flowers on valentine's day, or the perfect beach vacations, or the into the wee-hours of the morning heart-to-heart talks, or the always knowing what the other needs, or the leisurely weekend brunches that make marriage special. although, yes, those can be wonderful perks when and if they come, they are not, ultimately, what makes it all worth it.

it is worth it to love. to fail in love. to look for love. to learn to love. to watch love grow.
it is worth it to be willing to join your life to someone who is often a relative stranger in the beginning, to build a life with that person who perhaps you eventually realize you can't love like you thought you could, to accept the pain of compromise on behalf of this world you've built, to at times set aside your own desires, expectations, and feelings to take care of someone else's, to create a family whose needs supersede your own, and to be fulfilled in what you give, not in what is given.

i don't pretend to know the secrets of marriage. and the extent to which my love falls short of the task of marriage is tragic. and yet. i do believe marriage is worth it. i do believe it is special. and i do believe i am learning. so despite only just barely figuring out that marriage is not what i thought it was, here is something worth writing about: i'm honestly excited to spend the next however many years we have discovering all the things that make marriage worth it.


















happy 8 years, mr. loverboy! thank you for loving me through all of it. <3

five years

upon the eve of the fifth anniversary of our young and tender nuptials, we went to our friday night small group with our baby in the suburbs of atlanta. the in-laws were there. as were a few other friends. it wasn't about us. it was about the last meeting of our small group because some of our members are moving. we ended the night with a five-second, whispered tête-à-tête in the bathroom before bed. you know, so as not to wake the baby. (and no, that is not innuendo for something else. gee whiz!) something about — we've made it this far, let's give it another go. so, as anniversaries go, it was obviously quite the big deal. i even bought a card - and then didn't have time to write anything in it.

but come on! five years! that deserves some kind of acclamation! traditionally, we do not give each other gifts for our anniversary. i'm not sure who started that. i guess we agreed by tacit consent in the way of not getting each other gifts our first year. i'm pretty sure we spent the money on sushi instead. but according to the internet, i could have scored something wooden this year. or some silverware, because, you know, that's similar. so now i know where things went wrong. i should never have allowed us to be traditionally untraditional. i could have been getting gifts all this time! who comes up with these traditions anyways? i also sure wish i'd known about this before tonight because i could really use some better silverware. but if we can make it another five years, it appears i might be in for some tin. which...better not end in foil, if you're reading this husband. the internet also says instead of tin you can give me diamonds. (what?? i'll take it!)

so. five years. another thing that's hard to believe.

let me tell you a story:

we have the antitestimony to the picture perfect marriage. maybe you don't know that because you've only seen us through this blog, but the truth is, it isn't always pretty. i can be mean and ornery and it turns out i'm the most impatient person in the whole world. yes, it's true. probably loverboy should get a medal or something for sticking with me this far. i won't say "and vice versa" because that'd be mean and because then i probably wouldn't qualify for a medal. man, so many rules.

speaking of rules, we're really bad at following them. for instance, the date night rule. we've never had a standing date night. and here's the truth on that: our date nights do not hardly ever never go as planned. they subscribe to the bat from Anastasia rule on a regular basis — tell me that's your favorite line too? i mean, really good date nights are sort of like a unicorn. if we've planned something in advance, i guarantee you it will only end in tears.

what i've learned about marriage is that it's real challenging. we are (i am) selfish and intolerant, not to mention flawed as all get out. and darnitall, it's hard to love those flaws. that is why i'm so thankful to know a God who is love. only God could love us human beings enough to keep us around, save us and want to live inside of us. and only with His love can we really love each other. i mean, really.

over the past few days i've been considering what these five years have been and what lies in store for us, and praying for that kind of love to fill up my love. i want Jason to feel really, really loved. not just for a moment or a nice date night. i want a love that is kind, patient, does not seek its own things...a love that never falls away. otherwise i might not get any tin. i mean, obviously that's the incentive.

and because this post is already long and sort of rambling and also not smushy enough, let's end on a love note:

dear loverboy,

i love your goofiness. even when it annoys me. i love the way you talk to our baby son - and the father you are. i love the terribly silly way you dance, because i know it means you are comfortable with me. i love holding your hand. i love that you've been going to work early so you can come home earlier to us. i love your mix tapes. i love the intense way you talk about your topics. even when i zone out (sorry!). i love your fix-it-manliness. and i think you're pretty sexy. you are the sunshine to my moon. the burger to my fries. the sauce to my spaghetti. the cheese to my whine;) let's never fight again and live happily ever after.

xx,
B

valentine's 2013

so this is old news, but on valentine's day loverboy took me to see dracula at the ballet! it was fantastic to have a night out together and the ballet was pretty good. i was most impressed with dracula himself. we also liked that they stuck so closely to the story, which we listened to together during my first year of grad school on librivox. now i can't think of dracula without thinking of the super nasally voice of the reader when she would read, "Mina Harker's journal." but the ballet was really fun. and actually it was loverboy's first real ballet! he took me to ballet austin on our first valentine's day together when they were doing this cool thing where there were three different dance companies who performed in different dance styles and the audience got to vote on which they liked best. the ballet was the best of course, but it was a short, simple production, so this one was much more interesting. seeing ballet always makes me wish i'd taken it as a kid. but i was one of those tomboys who wasn't interested at the time. i was quite impressed with this date as loverboy thought of it all himself and didn't even need me to say let's do something! then i went and got grumpy about something stupid and almost ruined it, but you know...just keeping things lively;)

xx, 

B

got mail (and flowers!)

today i woke up and felt a little lost, a little adrift, or maybe weighed down. but i got up, put one foot in front of the other, looked for something to do, decided to take lars out, and there on my front doorstep, i found this:

...the most beautiful calla lilies. i cannot even begin to explain how much it cherished me, how loved and taken care of, how happy i felt (still feel). and then later, another friend called. and it somehow all boggles my mind to know this kind of care. for me. i'm humbled by and wrapped up in love right now. by the most wonderful, bestest of friends.

thank you and big x's and o's.




p.s. and now you know that if you send me flowers i will make a very public declaration of my love for you. you've been warned ;)

sugar, sugar, doo doo doo doo doo doo ooooh honey, honey...

happy belated valentine's day!

a little list of loves:

1. the warm floors under my bare feet at hot yoga.

2. running with my dog around the neighborhood until 

he's dragging on the leash cause he's so tired out.

3. starbucks gift cards in the mail. 

4. americanos from mill mountain coffee.

5. and their mexican roast.

6. watching jazz go out for bike rides in the evening

(makes me wish i had one too!)

7. this song.

8. seeing a friend at my neighborhood coffee shop

9. fresh flowers

10. and valentine's cupcakes!

xoxo,
B

(i'm not going to beg for it, but that's what you can call me;)

p.s. note the blog address has changed!

backyard feast

thanksgiving/rehearsal dinner

for JM & A

in dori's enchantingly decorated backyard, 

with a huge thanksgiving spread and 

many dear, much missed faces. 

wonderful. 

it's late and there's a wedding tomorrow, 

so here's just a few pictures for now: 

the feast.

the man of the hour (and wife-to-be).

all for me

jazz (and his dad) are building me a desk.

cause he loves me.

here's the progress so far:

i am so excited for it to be finished and have a real

writing desk for the first time! 

and especially excited that it's quality handmade.

by quality men. :)